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Passenger Seat


I was haplessly scrolling through my playIist and I chance upon this song by Stephen Speaks. Creepy but it was very timely. I went to a reminscent trance once more and thought of those times when my partner and I would drive around the city or out of town. How I miss sitting on that seat that on 2 occassions lately, I almost cried myself due to envy.

One was when I went out with my flatmate and his brother shopping. He was picked up by his beau and both of us were at back watching the exchange of sweet nothings and nauseating flirtings. It was torture that at some point, in my mind, I wanted to chop both their heads off. I used to have this. I used to be seated right next to him and do crazy stuff. I used to be there changing the radio channels or cd's. I used to sleep there soundly while he drives and asks for directions. I used to be there holding his hand or leg as he cruise the highways. I used to be there to honk his horn when someone was overtaking us. I used to have arguments there with him. I used to be there when he would touch my ear and hair and then we would look at each other with loving affirmation. I used to be the one who he would reach and kiss before he starts the engine or before i step off the car. i used to be... i used to be... and that's the operational term. I USED TO BE...

The other was when i was walking towards the car of my friend and the lover with a grimace was there and showed me the backseat (bitch!) I just smiled wryly and felt embarassed and disconcerted by the gesture. like hello? why the hell do you have to do that? Not unless he sees me as threat which I know I can be if i choOoe to be. You don't have to press it on my face and mark your territory cause I'm not the snake you're supposed to be scared of, Your snake is YOUR insecurities and anytime it would just kill you with its venom.

From the later, during the entire trip, i was only staring blankly by the window trying to block all the negative elements around and tried to enjoy the ride. Whoever it will be the next time, I wish that I'll feel the same high again. That seat may not mean to anyone, but it does defines commitment to me. So from the last time til now, I choose not to sit there til I find the right guy to be ever driver, sweet lover.

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