Flight Manual for Dummies

note: Yuri is going to Manila from the 16th til the 30th of March. this also serves as an invitation for my birthday party. contact me for details.

i guess nobody wants to die alone but believe me it happens everyday. may not be the physical state of dying but we die once in a while inside. we feel naked, molested and gruesomely violated - and just like what doctors do to a cadaver, they call out the time indifferently and walk out amorally.

how would it actually feel like dying alone?

is it the same when you try to clean your flat the whole day and nobody even cares to ask if you’re ok? while you were busy scrubbing the floor, the other room was moaning to the highest level. you don’t mind actually but how you wish scrubbing the floor would give you that same orgasmic pleasure that was in competition with your already loud music.

is it the same when you go to the grocery one fine day and nothing in your list is there? like you don’t know if there was panic buying of some sort that had happened an hour earlier in preparation for two consecutive foggy evenings or a blinding sandstorm. i wouldn’t mind stocking up too but i think it’s fair if there would post a bulletin about it. going to the grocery and back to your flat is already very very costly - that’s why you dont want to go empty handed.

is it the same every payday? that very sudden rush of blood going to your head due to euphoria as soon as your mobile alerts you of your salary and then an epileptic seizure after budgeting it and your left with actually none.

is it the same when you awkwardly meet your “pambansang frenemy” (national friend-enemy) and you act so casual with the usual beso here and there, invite her to the table and she joins blah blah, hola chika to the max, trying to maintain a very cheery voice and that plastered smile and sparkly eyes as not to show a hint of “plasticity” when what you really want to do is bang her head to the wall until it bleeds dry or better yet pull her tongue, tie it in a knot and cut her tonsils. this is far worse than dying alone. this is dying alone plus suicide note… plus actual suicide.

is the same when you cook a hearty me for you and your friends. go to a flight and when you get home, not even a rice was spared by your thoughtless pals as you starve to death? sorry wouldn’t suffice. you need your share of caldereta (beef stew) since you COOKED it and PRACTICALLY went to 5 different grocery stores to complete the ingredients and the last 2 stores by foot SINCE you have no more moolah left for taxi SINCE that’s what’s only left from your well budgeted salary? whew! what a life!

is it the same when you text someone and he didnt bother replying and will tell you all this stupid reasons why and yet you forgive and understand him?

is it the same when you missed the bus for pick-up when you are actually down on the dot. not to mention it’s 5 am in the morning?

is it the same when the only crew meal left for you is an Asian Vegetarian Meal and you didnt eat anything prior since you got up early and prepared very swiftly for your morning flight as not to miss your transport but the bus left you.

is it the same when after you just cleaned the lavatories, with the tissues folded v-shaped, the floor sanitized, the area carefully lemon-scented then someone so careless flooded it after using AND THEN suddenly your supervisor came blasting you with these sermons you don’t deserve just because he/she wasn’t there there when it was oh so sparkling?

is the same when your ex tells you i have found someone better and the “better” half is your bestfriend? or is it that your other “better-half” after your ex is still having difficulty finding his/her way to you? either way stings. pop it out like a balloon and make sure your bestfriend now your “ex”bestfriend by present tense.

is it the same when you have a very nice looooooong layover but you have a wicked set of crew? (AW!)

is it the same when you have a very nice looooooong layover but they lost your suitcase? (tumbling!)

is it the same when you have a very nice looooooong layover but you forgot to bring your wallet? (cartwheel!)

is it the same when you have a very nice looooooong layover but they have taken you off the flight? (morphine please)

is it the same when you have a very nice looooooong layover and very posh hotel room with a fantastic view of the city yet you have noone to share it with? awww.

is it the same feeling when FRIENDS was finally over and your were disappointed to hear that the spin off JOEY sucked bigtime?

is the same thinking why that bitch Meredith has both McDreamy and McVet and all you’ve got is McNuggets? i officially hate her now and ever more after watching season 3. i hate her! I HATE HER!!! to the bone.